#gd. i fucking want to. so badly. have to keep doing baby step litmus tests and see how they respond to things.
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#there's some talk of doing more like. get togethers for the choir folks to just sit and talk about faith stuff (no rehearsal stuff).#and it's like. yeah i love a good spiritual retreat sort of thing. love talking about faith etc with people but um.#if it goes anything like the last one did i'll spend half the time crying alone and/or end up coming out to you all. for better or worse.#and the guys who run the bible study started saying something about the next topic sort of thing they're planning to me#like clearly interested in having me come back for it. and it's like. idk. might need to do some thinking about the odds that someone#will end up going on a queerphobic tangent of some sort under that topic. because i'm not here for that.#had a chat with my dad a few weeks back and had to explain to him that like. yeah in theory i could use that as an opportunity#to make it more of a discussion; use a vague 'well i know some people have this other view' etc#but had to explain to him that like. it's nice in theory but also. no this is way to close to me for me to be able to do that#when it all feels like a personal attack.#anyway. idk. would love some more concrete signs for whether it's safe to come out to some of the choir folks because like.#gd. i fucking want to. so badly. have to keep doing baby step litmus tests and see how they respond to things.
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